Luka

Mama: Maker of eggs, protector of stuffed kitty cats.

About 45 minutes into her nap today, Luka came into the living room with her pants around her ankles... I think she must have been trying to go potty and was still really sleepy and confused about how to pull her pants up. She cried for a bit, and then came up into my lap. I was working on some things for my business that I've needed to get done, but forced my self to be in the moment. "How often is it that I get to have my child sleep in my arms any more?" I asked my self. She slept and she slept and she slept, making this a pretty record nap. It gave me a comfort that I have not felt in a while.

I am needed every day, for most everything. Wiping butts, kissing owies, changing clothes, making food, dropping off at school, answering questions, playing dolls, reading books... loving my child. 2 years ago I had a 6 month old child and was just heading back to work for the first time since delivering her. What a difference 2 years can make. Today as Luka slept in my arms (after I was able to transition us to a much more comfortable prone position on the couch) I looked at her face the way I was able to do when she was a baby. I stared at her for at least an hour. I didn't have to talk, answer questions, or do anything. I just had to sit and watch her breathe. Admire her face - those cute lips, her sweet soft skin. It was incredible.

It was hard after laying there for a while to not try and find something I could do while I laid with her on top of me. I kept forcing my self to be in the moment and be thankful that this is what my call of duty was at the moment. Reminding my self to be thankful it was not fielding a tantrum, or listening to whining, or rejecting another request to watch a movie. I just had to simply stare and love and breathe in a sweet, gorgeous, happy (for the time being) child.
These 2's have been hard on me recently. I've spent a few days wondering if it would be worth it for me to go back to work full time so that I could send her to school instead of being home with her part time. It's not worth it. Not after today at least. But ask me again on Wednesday after I've been home with her for 2 full days.